Surface Features!

 Kia ora readers, 

This week our class is learning about surface features! Surface features are the rules of writing that we use to make words and sentences. We had to do this because it will be easier for other people to read. It makes sense but all it needs is: Punctuation, capitals and spaces. Here is an example: thissentsaChulymakessen Zbuttisrellyhrd to reed. This sentence makes sense but it doesn't have surface features.

On our Room 9 writing site our teacher put a link to a story we needed to fix. We made our own copy. We had to read it once and find the end of the sentences. We also had to change the repeated words. We could change the boy names into something different. Rinaz and Sean were the narrators, while Xavier was acting the bad man. 

This is what writing we had to fix! 

He kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder he tried not to suffocate as he laid under the bed he was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. The man with the knife in his hand stormed around the house. Mums had boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us maybe he was one of them looking for revenge but why would he come. mum would just move and how did he find us we live on the other side of the planet from where all of mums boyfriends were so how could he find us he might have put a tracker on mum when he last saw her or on one of the devises ‘Hello where are you I know your here you're going to tell me where you're mother is or you shall join your father... in the skies so which will it be death or freedom you have 10 seconds chose wisely’.

This is what I changed!

Bokuto kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder. He tried not to suffocate as he laid under the bed. The boy was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. The man with the knife in his hand stormed around the house.
 Mum has had boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us. Maybe he was one of them looking for revenge, but why would he come? Mum would just move. So how did he find us? We live on the other side of the planet from where all of mum's boyfriend were. So how could he find us? This ex might have put a tracker on mum. when he last saw her or on one of her devices.
“Hello, where are you? I know you're here. You're going to tell me where your mother is or you shall join your father… In the skies so which will it be, death or freedom! You have ten seconds to choose wisely.” 

Thanks for checking in! If you have any questions make sure to tell me! Can you spot what I changed in the story? Have a brilliant day! Bye! :)